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When Michael arrived at Spain’s airport earlier this year, it wasn’t just his first trip outside the UK, it was also the first time he saw Ellie, the woman who by the end of the week would become his fiancee. The pair, who had met at Dating Club the previous September, had built their relationship by e-mail and through regular long distance phone calls. After chatting and typing for more than three months, the long distance lovers felt that they were ready to meet, and Michael bought a plane ticket to Southern Europe.
“After I made it through the visa line and out into the waiting room, I saw lots of people, but I still didn’t see her,” he recalls. “I had only seen her in pictures so it was hard. Just then, in the corner, I saw a beautiful woman. I thought to myself, ‘This can’t be her, this woman is gorgeous!'”
After just four days, Michael and Ellie fell deeply in love. Although they had only been together a few days, according to Michael, “it seemed as though we had known each other for a long time because we wrote e-mail back and forth for so long.” Before the week was out, Michael had proposed and he and Ellie were engaged.
Since returning to the UK, Michael has been working to arrange Ellie’s visa and he expects her to join him some time this month. Until then, the pair will just have to wait and bear the pain of separation.
“When I first came back it was very hard to make it through a day without being with her,” says Michael. “Now I miss her a lot, but I know that we will be together soon, and when I get depressed I just think about how nice it will be when she is here for good.”
Loving in Spain. But Michael and Ellie aren’t the only couples loving from afar. Although long-distance relationships have been around as long as travel, the ease of Internet dating and free e-mail has made it much easier for singles around the world to get in touch, if not actually meet. While that creates more long-distance relationships than ever before, it also provides the means to survive them.
For Michael and his partner Ellie, who lives in Spain, the Internet not only started their relationship, it also helps keep it alive. “We were becoming part of a regular group of folks that met every day for chatting,” recalls Brad. “We developed a friendship and began talking privately, sharing our lives’ joys and problems and a great many laughs. Through that we found that we were becoming closer and closer and wanted to explore being a couple. Circumstances allowed us to meet face to face for the first time that summer and we drew even closer together.”
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Now, he says, they see each other in person whenever they can, but they pass the time apart by meeting in cyberspace. “We look at websites together and play some online games and that helps to give the feeling of doing things as a couple,” he says. “Spending as much time as we can online doing things together is a help, and it does ease the pain a little.”
There are various tools that long distance couples can use to keep in touch. While chat rooms can provide an online social forum, programs such as ICQ, and AOL Instant Messenger let separate lovers send private words of affection across the Net. Game rooms allow friends to pass a lonely evening together even though they may be miles apart and virtual cards and flowers can let a loved one know they’re on your mind, even when they’re out of sight. For those looking to splash out a little, monitor-mounted PC cameras can cost as little as $50, enabling you and your partner to make eyes at each other…even from the other side of the world.
But whichever high-tech gadgetry you use to bridge the gap, nothing can beat being together in person. Despite his heavy use of the Internet, Brad agrees that being apart from Lynn means that he can’t enjoy some of the simple pleasures of a relationship. “For me, the hardest thing is not having her close in a physical sense,” he says. “Just being able to hold hands, or go for a walk together, or curl up together and read or watch TV.”
For a long distance relationship to be a success, it’s clear that one of the partners will eventually have to move. Like Ellie, Brad is now waiting for his visa application to clear so that he can immigrate to Spain.